:: BLOG NATION aka BlahBlahBlog ::

:: 4.04.2003 ::

:: Why this blog? ::

My interest in blogs is probably an extension of an old fascination with personal zines in print form. Factsheet Five had a section listing these zines that featured people's obsessive rants and raves, often about the things either governing or intersecting with their daily lives. This was my favorite. I in fact created my own humble entry for the genre (which only went 3 issues), mainly just to trade with other personal zinesters (common as a motivating factor). FF, incidentally, was a very well-known review guide and resource for mostly printed zines. However, it is no more. It has ceased to be. It's pushing up the daisies. It has run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-zine guide. OK. But, you probably remember FF, and miss it as much as I do. The oddly-sized print (usually photocopied) zines could be replaced by my new attraction to these weblogs that have wildly proliferated. In any case, it is into this extraordinarily diverse arena that I bring BlahBlahBlog.

In January, as if on autopilot, I created my first blog -- now called NEWS COCKTAIL aka BlahBlahBlog -- a humble entry. Although I had walked around with the idea for a while (well, the better part of a month @ least), I hadn't really considered the specifics. But for some reason I could hear the Rollins Band, playing (SCREAMING) "Do It." When I found myself suddenly in the process of creating a new blog, I just typed some things off the top of my head, feeling the need to establish something. The Rollins Band song ringing through my head offered good advice, a position you may not agree with, however.

All I can say for now is that hopefully this endeavor will evolve into something worth the time spent by both you and me. If not, I can think of two words: "Disappear here."

Posted by me=)
:: Mr. TRONA 3:04 PM [+] ::
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:: Time capsule ::

Here's an April Fool's day piece from my archive, originally published on 4.1.00:

Terrestrial Publishers Merge, Jump Into E-Commerce Game
By Matthew W. Beale
The TRONA e-Financial Syndicate

If you thought that Amazon.com was the most diversified e-ntity and well-recognized e-name in the e-xplosive world of e-commerce, think again. A new alliance of traditional publishers that feel they have sat on the sidelines and watched too many e-youngsters make e-billions just might change all that.

Online and print publishing titans Dissent and Commentary have announced an unprecedented merger (UM), tapping the services of Abtritt.com, an e-commerce enabling player (E-CEP), to form DYSENTERY.com, a new e-commerce powerhouse (E-CP) that will, according to some experts, herald a new age in online business.

The mega-merger (MM), announced on Saturday, will tap into existing business-to-business (B2B) and business-to-consumer (B2C) e-commerce trends (EB2B&B2CE-CT), forging new territory (nt) with consumer-to-business (C2B) and consumer-to-consumer (C2C) trading and business models (T&BM). The extremely well-crafted DYSENTERY.com site has become the toast of Wall Street (TOWS) as investors salivate and soil themselves in anticipation of the earth-shattering IPO set for later this year (ESIPOSFLTY).

AWholeNewWorld.com

The alliance is “unprecedented,” according to industry insiders, because of the never before attempted reach into all areas of what is currently defined as e-commerce. “The deal simultaneously expands and shatters old world paradigms created last week in the new e-conomy,” commented Steve Stonedoncooldoobage.com, an analyst with IT research firm, You Pay For The Data, We’ll Deliver The Numbers You Want (YPFTDWDTNYW).

Stonedoncooldoobage.com, who legally changed his name in January, additionally told the TRONA e-Financial Syndicate in an e-mail interview from the dot-com launch/e-drug blow-out (DCLeDB) that “in business at least, size counts, and these two companies present a combined financial powerhouse (CFP) that dwarfs anything that has ever existed. They changed my life. This is the greatest party ever (GPE).”

The entry of industry giants into the e-commerce arena (EIGIE-CA) has always been the greatest fear of Internet pioneers and startups (IPS), which successfully turned the cutting edge of technology into the leading edge of business. To a great degree, however, they operated unopposed. This may no longer be the case, however.

WeWillBuryYou.com

According to the new company, DYSENTERY.com is aiming at e-planet domination. The following statements released on Saturday might serve, not only as a message to consumers, but as a dire warning to all competitors.

According to chairman, president, CEO, CIO, CFO, CCO, CLO, CMO, CNO, COO, CPO, COP, CON, COG, CMCO and all-around nice guy, Guy Montag, “e-surrender is your only option. But, I e-hoodwink.”

“e-Seriously, we will pioneer B2B, B2C, C2B and C2C into new, unimaginable mathematical possibilities, reinventing the world as we know it, and making me and all my friends fantastically wealthy before the fix comes in, before the sky falls and the sh*tstormofalltime.com hits us all.”

Clarisse Clarisse E., Montag’s personal assistant, commented that “we don’t mean to overstate things, but e-surrender really is the only option.”

“As they say, e-ubiquity breeds e-wealth,” added E. We’ll be so f@#king e-wealthy, we’ll hate ourselves. I am a cynic, but I f@#cking love e-money.”

According to Montag’s resume, he was compelled to leave an early, successful career as a fireman, and has since established Cannibal.com, a Web site with the motto, “intelligence can be eaten.”

Montag is also part owner of Exiled In Heaven Productions, a Hollywood production company that is working on “Happy Birthday H,” a super-secret film project that has for years been an obsession for some reporters who continue to speculate regarding the nature of the enigmatic undertaking.

WordFromTheStreet.com

Dysentery.com has filed for an initial public offering with the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) that could raise $23 trillion (US$). An analyst recently joked in a Wired report that “if things don't get more exciting soon, (he) might have to return to his pre-Internet system of rating IPOs," at 10 percent growth on a good first day. Other analysts feel that the DYSENTERY.com IPO will be the event of the millennium.

“VA Linux and those wimpy, open-source, Socialist wanna-be, Penguin lovers will be quaking in their e-panties after this one hits The f@#cking Street,” commented Phillip Phuck, celebrated financial analyst with the TRONA e-Financial Syndicate.

Trading under the proposed Nasdaq symbol “DYSSSS,” the stock is currently set to open on The Street at $69 a share.

WordFromTheRealStreet.com

“It’s interesting to see these giants of intellectual thought channel their energies and resources into such an ambitious, anti-intellectual endeavor,” stated Bob Integrity, professional loiterer, philanthropist and starving artist. “Hey fellas, I got one e-word for you: takeaflyingleapintoanemptypool.com.”

The TRONA e-Financial Syndicate asked other citizens about the tremendous impact of e-commerce and the migration of old world business into the new, e-conomy. Rural American eccentric George Larkin, noted for the phrase “if I’d have been a priest, I’d be the Pope by now,” made the Zen-like observation, “have you seen my underwear?”

----30----

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!!!

posted by me
:: Mr. TRONA 9:52 PM [+] ::
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::. Testing 1,2,3... .::

"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution." -Bill Hicks

posted by me
:: Mr. TRONA 3:39 PM [+] ::
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